Thursday, October 27, 2011

I may as well...

... consider this thing as my own private journal. Nobody ever reads it! (Cue cuss words and innappropriate content)

Monday, October 24, 2011

My Hater Senses Are Tingling

  Since moving away to college, I've made some fairly recent discoveries about myself that I never would have known had I not stepped out of my comfort zone and left home. Several of these said discoveries have been posted in this blog at one point or another (If you want a good example, please the read my very long-winded past blog "The Ambivert's Point of View".). One thing I've learned is that I'm not really as big an extravert as I thought. Another is that I don't belong in the sciences. Third of all, and I'm pretty sure everyone who's known me for a good long time knew this before I did, I lack a lot of social graces, and thus either stay very quiet, or attempt to remove any traces of formality from my interactions with people by pointing out just how awkward/annoying/ditzy/you-name-it I am. I feel that after spending years as a socially awkward, semi-introverted weirdo, I have had enough life experience in this department to come to this conclusion about myself: In most social situations that I put myself in, there is always one person in the room that hates me. Go ahead and have a laugh, but it's true.

  Everything about this post reeks of paranoia to most of you. I mean, really. How can there be one person that hates you EVERYWHERE you go? I know that's what you're thinking. But it's true. I know this because it's happened several times before. Sometimes it's wholly undeserved. For example, the younger sister (who I'd never met before that night, mind you!) of a friend of mine being rude to me and whispering hateful things to her friends about me because she had a mad crush on my boyfriend at the time. Or my ex-friend (who I refer to as my "frenemy") constantly talking trash about me for everything I did, mostly pertaining to my musical theater performances in school out of jealousy. And don't even get me started on my ex-roommate last semester. There's more, but I need not go on lest this post take up more of your precious time.

  Most of the time it is deserved though. Putting my foot in my mouth is a regular occurrence. So regular, I should consider making it a hobby just for kicks. I have this dry sense of humor that, upon first impressions, is very off-putting to those who don't know me. I'm occassionally a bit too blunt for the general population's liking. This has been pointed out to me by everyone close to me. My boyfriend, my mom, my dad, my grandparents, you name them, chances are they've brought it up. As a result, somebody ends up disliking me. They may not make it known right then and there, but I can tell by the uncomfortable aura dwelling in the air, or the comments made so matter-of-factly by someone about it sometime afterwards. Take my mom's friend, for example. My family and I went out blueberry picking on a sunny, very hot, very humid day in Florida and we met up with anonymous friend. In making small talk and trying to exchange pleasantries, she asked me how I like blueberry picking. I respond with "I'm indifferent." There was also the uncomfortable argument my mother and I had about her not letting me audition for Royal Carribbean because she was afraid I'd drop out of school. Yeahhh. I remember trying to be funny and silly after those lapses in basic interaction etiquette, and my mom saying, "We're trying to have a conversation here! Can't you go somewhere else?" Or something along those lines. Although it was quite humorous looking back and is a running joke between my mom and her anonymous friend, I'm almost positive she thinks I'm a snot.

  That story barely scratches the surface as far as my socially inept self goes. There was also a rather obnoxious comment I previously made to my roommate today, too, with the intention of being humorous, of course. Again, with the off-putting dry humor. I wonder if she secretly hates me too, as we live together and inevitably every one of my flaws has reared its ugly head at one time or another. It really doesn't need to be discussed as I'm a bit embarassed. AND just last night I was told by my boyfriend that we need to work on my diplomacy in talking to people. There are countless other examples, but I need not go on lest this post take up even more of your precious time.

  I've been making an effort to apologize, or clarify what I mean when I come off as too blatant, however it doesn't seem to soften the blow of realizing that I've irritated yet another person. Sometimes I try using "I don't give a shit if I've offended you" to try and grow a backbone about it. That doesn't work, either. There's still that recurring thought in my mind that tugs at me that I possibly unintentionally burned a bridge just by being my awkward self.

  Or maybe it only seems this bad to me because I'm on the inside looking out. Maybe if I tried to stand outside and look in I could see a tiny inkling of potential social grace. But who am I kidding?

Perhaps this is the reason for my sudden introversion. I think sometimes I should swear off social interaction and just take up writing, or perfecting my craft as a performer. Just bury myself in my work. Maybe if I just keep quiet and not say much, I won't have to struggle with my embarassing, uncanny lack of tact and/or common sense, and maybe my undiscovered hidden brilliance can speak for itself in my acting and writing. I mean, most creative geniuses are a little eccentric and socially retarded, right?

  Having friends and being liked is overrated anyway...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Only By Coincidence?

Before you read this, please take into consideration what you are about to read. By posting this, I am only contributing to the surplus of useless information that we have on the internet, and reading this post will cost you a few good minutes of your day that you cannot get back. This is so absolutely useless to you that you might want to be sure there is nothing better for you to do in the five minutes it takes to read it. Just know that.

Without further ado...

 There's this saying in the world of women that goes along the lines of: You know it's going to be a good day when your underwear matches your bra.

  My question is does that still count if you match your underwear to your bra on purpose? Or does it only count if it's accidental? Because I did it on purpose today and it's been a rather humdrum day in the life, if not a little weird towards the end.
  Around 12:30, going on my 2nd hour on Facebook, I decided that nothing was going to get done if I was spending my time on the internet sitting in bed. I got up and changed my clothing from a really comfortable top into a black turtleneck, black pants, and heels, thinking because it's overcast out, it shouldn't be hot at all. Wrong. I got about halfway across the parking lot outside my dorm and I was sweltering. Wearing all black with a polyester tank top underneath your shirt is never a good idea. I should have just gone without the tank and played dumb to my shirt being see-through. Or better yet, I could have avoided changing at all. Luckily, the library was cold inside. I spent about four hours studying before I decided to head back.
  I stopped in the food court in the Union to get a crepe because someone gave me a coupon for a free one at lunch. I ordered a very delicious looking cheesecake crepe with cheesecake, nutella, strawberries and whipped cream (There's a point to this running commentary of my day, I promise.). It was when I went to sit down to eat it that things got weird. I didn't think I would be able to eat this thing walking back to my room, so I decided to sit in the middle of the courtyard outside on a bench. This crepe was freakin' delicious, folks. For a brief moment, time stood still. And then it started to get messy. Of course, me being me, I wasn't about to take the time to eat this thing with a napkin on hand. I was in a hurry to get home, after all. So I continue to eat it and whipped cream starts running down my hand, and then onto my pants, and I'm trying to clean it up by using the sleeve the crepe was put in to scoop it off my pants. Then a huge blob of nutella-covered strawberry lands on my pants and by then, I've had it. By the time I was taking my last two bites there were about 30 or so people walking around in the courtyard, 5 or 6 of which walked by staring at me. I have chocolate all over my hands and my pants, and I can't even pick my stuff up without getting chocolate all over everything. I have another question. Why is it that awkward situations like this only seem to pop up on me when there's about 8 million people around to stare? I mean, I like an audience as much as the next theater geek, but this is pushing it a bit.

  The point of this running commentary is that despite how adorable your choice of lingerie looks under your clothes, it probably isn't going to change the type of day that is in store for you. Besides having a good laugh over spilling crepe all over myself, my day has been pretty boring. But more importantly, I feel way more sorry for you, who has wasted a good five minutes of your day reading this useless crap.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Some Positivity

 When I came back to Tallahassee, I forgot how much I missed being on my own. Clearly that was not apparent by my last post. However, I've vented and made some changes to my life and thinking, and I've bounced back (like always ;). A few things I'm doing to keep myself happy:

1. Taking the time to get out! See #2
2. Always making time to exercise. It really sucks being cooped up in my dorm stuck in the throes of homework. That was the story of my life last semester. I think it put me in a mini-depression because I had nowhere to go and not many friends. Sucked. But the gym helps keep my emotions in check, anyway.
3. Stop using the scale. This is not a joke. I don't use the scale anymore. I'm hitting the gym almost every day and lifting weights like a beast, and obviously I'm going to GAIN muscle weight. But if I see the number on the scale going up, it's gonna piss me off. I know this because it's happened before. So I've decided to keep things on the basis of the way my clothes fit. If they fit the same way, great. If not, time to kick it up and eat lighter.
4. Getting involved in something I'm passionate about! I've auditioned for EVERYTHING this semester. I auditioned for the School of Theater's season, Leave Your Mark Production's season (I'm playing Clea in Black Comedy!! Yippee!!), Clutch magazine, and student films! There's auditions for Into the Woods in three weeks, too. After this play, something else has to come up for me. I've really been putting myself out there.
5. Quit comparing myself to other people. There's only one person who can be me, and it's NOT any of you! I have a lot to bring to the table that no one else can, so why would I rack my brain about wanting to look like or be someone else?

Needless to say, I'm feeling oodles better than I was a few weeks ago. I think after this show I'm going to cut my hair short and redo my headshots. Like one of those 1920's layered bobs. I'll not only feel new, but look like a completely new woman! ;)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


This song pretty much sums up my mood this week...

Home - Michael Buble

Monday, August 29, 2011

First Day of School...

...sucked! I've yet to attend a class today that I know I'm going to like. Foods, Intermediary Metabolism, and Functional Anatomy and Physiology. Two of which are difficult classes, I might add. Now, I could very easily overlook the difficult aspect of these classes if I actually liked them. I usually know on the first day of class if it's a class I'm going to like. No such feelings today.

  Which brings me to this question: Why am I still a freakin' dietetics major?? I hated it from the first day of Intro to Dietetics class last semester! I knew it wasn't for me the minute I set foot in the College of Human Sciences building during orientation. I had never felt so out of place. It didn't feel like the place for me, and still doesn't. The thing is, everyone in this field of study is looking to become a Registered Dietitian. They are excited, bright-eyed dedicated students that ask questions in class and strive to know every detail about the profession. They are driven. I'm not one of those students. I'm dedicated... to having a high GPA. That's it. I've made that achievement. But I'm smart. I can achieve a high GPA anyway. But if there's no drive, then there's no point.

  I used to be very driven about helping others achieve full health through nutrition. The drive is gone, but the dedication is still there. I feel like an empty shell. I've felt like this for a long time now. I've never told anyone but Patrick until now. Now you know. It's because I'm constantly seeking approval from others. My parents. My friends. You name it. For the longest time I've always done what I should in regards to how it will affect other people in my life, but I've never looked to what's in my best interest. The only reason I'm doing dietetics is to make other people happy. I care too much what everyone will think if I do something else. I care too much what other people think period. But I can't keep worrying about what others think or about making them happy. I need to account for my own happiness before others' or else this is all I'm gonna be. A shell. Hard and hollow. There shouldn't be a nauseating wave of dread that sweeps over me whenever someone asks me what I'm studying in school. I should wake up in the morning excited to share what I can bring to the world, MY way. If I'm happy, then others will follow suit for me.

It's time for a change.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Check Out My Doggies!

So, recently I've been brainstorming ideas about a YouTube vlog series I am wanting to start. I've been learning how to edit all my own videos, and it's exhausting but I like it.

This is my first completed video, and it's of my favorite subjects to film: my dogs!
So with out further ado, enjoy my video :)

Song is Mr. Scruff (Ninja Tuna) by Kalimba

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Ambivert's Point of View

  Are you an introvert? Do you prefer solitude over social interaction? Would you rather spend time indoors instead of outdoors? Do you tend to remain quiet in social settings as opposed to being the life of the party? Or are you an extravert? Are you a better speaker than listener? Would you prefer to spend your time around people as opposed to by yourself? Are you unable to last longer than 5 minutes without social interaction or activity of any kind?
  It's funny how it's always one or the other. Either you are one extreme, or you are the other. It's been that way since I could remember. Chocolate or vanilla? White or Black? Hot or cold? Optimist or pessimist? Democrat or Republican? "You can only pick one." they say, and any middle-ground answers don't count. Personally, I've never been any extreme type of person. I've always looked at both sides and remained in the middle with mostly everything (I do prefer chocolate over vanilla though). I like black and white the same, I prefer temperate weather over hot or cold, I am a realist, and I am a libertarian (Don't even get me started on political parties. I will rant.). I don't really believe that life works in black and white. It would be far too simple if that were the case. There are so many gray areas, so many dimensions to explore that make life so complex.
  I'm an ambivert. Ambiversion is a happy medium between introversion and extraversion. Ambiverts typically enjoy social interaction, but also value their solitude and seek a good balance of the two. Not too social, but not a loner. I'm smack-dab in the middle and that's how I like it.
  Most people probably can't understand how I can be both an introvert and an extravert. I can see why. It makes me look fickle and inconsistent. It's more complex than that, really. I'm complex. Most would say I fall under extravert because I'm an actor. I can get up on stage and shamelessly make an ass out of myself and be whatever character I play and not care who is out in the audience gawking at me. My last big role was Eve Harrington in "Applause." She was a manipulative wolf in sheep's clothing who sleeps her way to the top in New York show business. She uses a lot of people, including her biggest idol, to get notoriety on Broadway. My character was a cruel little tart, the exact opposite of me. Yet I loved playing that character. I loved being that nasty little bitch who was seducing every man in her path to get what she wanted, and I didn't care who saw me make that transformation every night. That's the beauty of being a performer. I love to move people with my performances and get feedback, and I love interacting with the people I work with. I'm right in my element in front of that audience.
  Put me out of my element, however, and a completely different person takes over. I'm a different person off the stage sometimes. I'm probably the quietest, most serious person you will see in the classrooms at school. I'm friendly, but a little uncomfortable with small talk. Speaking in front of the class or to the teacher in front of the class makes my stomach want to drop to the floor. My ability to make people laugh goes down the toilet. I don't ask questions or answer them in class, and I've only sat in the front row a total of twice in my entire educational career. I do get along with my other classmates, but it takes some time into the semester for me to develop the relationship. You can ask my chemistry teacher. It took me three semesters in her classes to come out of my shell! It wasn't until Organic Chemistry I that I actually engaged in classroom discussions and comfortably spoke in front of the class. Sadly, I've transferred to a university now where engaging in classroom discussions can be a big part of your grade. You have no idea how frustrating that gets. Especially when you're put on the spot. My brain goes blank and my ability to utter any intelligent answer seems to disappear. I sit there and stare with the most vacant look on my face. I wonder if they understand that there are people who don't like to speak freely and discuss the material in class, and that it's nothing personal.
  Social situations are a lot more ambiguous. Depending on my comfort level with the people around me, I may float around to different groups and exchange pleasantries and jokes with the members of each group and have a grand old time, stick to a small group of two or three, or just sit quietly by myself. If they're theater people I've worked with, I'll gladly be the life of the party and make an ass out of myself and enjoy every minute of it. Sometimes I can go for hours. If I have friends I attend a big get together with, normally I stay with one or two of them and chat with them. It depends on how I feel. If I don't know anyone, I'm very reserved and keep to myself. I think making small talk is awkward and exhausting when I'm not around people I'm doing business with or immediately know, moreso with men than women (that's another rant I'll eventually post about).
  Sometimes I need to go elsewhere where there's less people just to catch a breath of fresh air. I think a lot of people find it disturbing because they mistake it for being standoffish, when really I just want to enjoy a solitary moment to myself. They're relaxing. I'm really reserved when I hang around my boyfriend's friends. Most of the time I'm attached to Patrick's hip, just because I'm not super comfortable starting small talk with anyone. Just recently I've gotten more outgoing around them. Turns out that I get on well with a lot of people in the group! But even if I'm not being super chatty, I still enjoy being out and about with people.
  I like to be alone, too. I prefer to practice my singing, dancing, and acting in solitude. Since middle school, I've used the time my parents were away at work to practice and just be a goofball. I feel like I can use that time to improve and fix my mistakes without somebody else injecting any unwarranted criticism. I also don't really like people seeing my work before it's finished; the best has yet to come, and it's waiting up my sleeve. I want to blow you away with the finished product, not give you a half-assed rehearsal where you can see my mistakes. But it's gotten so much harder as I've gotten older to have the singing/dancing/goofball hours because now I work and go to school and live with roommates. I normally do all my practicing in my car now. It's rare that I actually get to sing in the comfort and acoustics of my own home.
  Honing my crafts aren't the only reason why I like my alone time, though. I need to unwind from work and my day. If I'm asked by a friend to go out somewhere after work, I have to know who's going and how many people are going. If it's a lot of people, it takes a little convincing to get me to go. I like smaller groups. I don't really fit into large groups unless I know everybody. I can be selective about social interaction. Look at it this way: I get a lot of it from my job (I do marketing for a chiropractor) and being a performer, so sometimes that quiet time by myself or with one or two people is necessary to keep me sane. It's not that I don't want to see anybody, it's just that I need my me time.
  So, there you have it. Ambiversion in a nutshell. Yes, we probably make things more complicated than they need be. But I'm honestly happy to be that complicated happy medium girl. I get the best of both worlds, and a sense of understanding for introverts and extraverts alike.

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Voice Audition Review

  This morning I woke up at 3 am to go audition for The Voice in Orlando. I signed up in May and posted about it a few entries back. This audition has been sitting in the back of my mind for about two months now. All this time and I was not prepared, I only chose my two songs the night before, and therefore did not know what to expect from my voice. I had only begun to practice just last night, after all.

  The outcome was a lot better than I expected. I looked at the rules online, and apparently NBC takes their auditions for this show very seriously. They said to have two songs prepared, and dress in the best way that represents you as an artist, so no chicken costumes. Big relief for me! This means that the guy next to me in the obnoxious getup is not going to get picked over my actual talent. They also said to sing a capella, as they do with American Idol auditions. You can play an instrument in the callback audition, but not for the preliminary.

  There were two auditions times, 7 am and 2 pm. I had the 7 am audition, hence the waking up at 3 am. My friend Caitlin and I carpooled the 2-hour drive together and waited in line at the hotel where the auditions were held forever. I almost didn't get let in because I dropped my driver's license in my car and forgot about it after taking it out of my wallet to show to the attendants at the parking garage guardhouse. Turns out, we got a free parking ticket because we were auditioning, so I didn't even need to show them my license and audition pass. I had to use my student ID because it would have taken us too long to return back to the parking garage to get my license. The guard almost didn't let me into the audition because my student ID didn't have my date of birth on it and he needed proof that I wasn't a minor. After a few minutes of watching me ransack my wallet for verification of my birthdate, he decided I was holding up the line and let me in.

  After entering the building we walked down the hallway to a ballroom and waited forever in another line to register. At this point, Caitlin and I had gotten separated. I had a really dumb guy register me. He made me wait at the table forever after putting my wristband on and tried to make small talk with me about what I was studying. I stood there for ten minutes until I finally got to leave and go stand in line where they were putting us in our audition groups. I have to say that one of the most annoying parts of the audition was everyone singing in the line. Most of them were girls. Almost all of them sang "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. I wanted to punch them.

  The lines we were put in were the people we were going to be with for the duration of the audition. We were then put in a big room and sat with our line, and then we were moved to a smaller room where we sat with our line. I got on well with the two girls on either side of me and a girl in the row in front of me. I didn't think I would be speaking to a lot of people, but I actually liked the people I was sitting with; we were all really supportive of one another. We waited two hours until they finally called our row to audition.

  The ten people in my row were sent into another ballroom where there was one producer from the show. She was really welcoming and the environment was very positive. We were called up individually to sing a verse and the chorus from our song. I took my turn, and nailed it. I sang "I Need You" by Leann Rimes. I mean it when I say I nailed it. No cracks or pitchiness and every note was on pitch. Eventually the rest of the group got to sing their pieces. Nobody was asked to sing their second choice. Nobody was called back from our group either.

  Overall, this experience was much better than the one I had at American Idol auditions. We were out much sooner, and clearly NBC takes their auditions more seriously than Fox. They were looking for serious artists, not stupid, talentless idiots who only want their 5 seconds of camera time. If you are a serious artist looking to get somewhere or to really hone your audition skills, I would definitely recommend this over that. I'm very pleased with my audition.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Well, everything went really well with the Boca audition! The girl I was supposed to portray is supposed to be a bubbly, empathetic, college-aged girl who loves to help people. She is a bit of an idealist, because she says she wants to change the world in the beginning of the script. This girl was totally me. Totally. I read the script and checked it twice, went into the audition room radiating confidence and glowy, philanthropic essence. I was directed, redirected, and redirected again. It seemed like everything was set in stone that I got this role. I hit it off with them! I really did. They said I would hear from them at the end of Friday. It's Saturday. No call arrived, people!

I swear I did everything perfectly!

Except I didn't slate when they told me to. *faceDESK*

It's not as simple as it sounds. The camerawoman told me to slate my name and number, everyone else in the room began to talk to me and there was no lull in the commotion for me to do so. It happened so quickly that before I knew it, I was reading my lines. It's not technically all my fault, yet I still feel wholly responsible for screwing up my audition. Still, I didn't slate. The biggest film audition no-no.

I need a drink.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Late Late Update... It Rhymes!

I never update this thing in a timely manner.

So, this was in my last status on Facebook. My Tallahassee plans fell through. I called the cinematographer Saturday night to ask him what time I would need to be in Tallahassee Sunday morning and he cancelled. He had some paid projects coming up later in the week. He might reschedule shooting with me. MIGHT.

I need some film gigs to work out for me so I can have a reel. Gahh. Three more weeks to school. Three more weeks to school. And fall auditions.

I am waking up at 1:45 tomorrow and getting on the road by 4 for another audition in Boca Raton. I really hope it all works out. So does every other girl that is auditioning ;)

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Tallahassee Tomorrow!

Good news: My car is fixed! It was the throttle that wasn't working. They took it out and cleaned it and took care of it for free! So my car won't be a huge money pit yet again this year.
 Last night I got a call from an MFA cinematographer at FSU, and he needs help with his reel and is getting actors and models together to help him put together some creative scenes for his reel. He is using the Red Cinema Camera, which is the same camera used to film Pirates of the Carribbean. Really good quality. It's not a student film, but it's definitely film experience. He offered to take some headshots, too. I think I might just go up to Tallahassee tomorrow instead of going to Boca. I know the area better, and I can't afford the gas and missing work Thursday.

Ah, the sad financial circumstances of a poor college student. Either way, I'm happy.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Thoughts You Could Care Less About

I really need to start writing in this thing more often. Ehhh but I'm so busy and lazy. Let's see... news... news... news... oh! The Music Man was a success, we almost sold out every night and I had a blast. Things are picking up at work. More hours = more money. I'm gonna post some more videos soon of me singing as well. Stay tuned for that. I have an audition Thursday for a spokesperson role in a campaign video for a theater company that is part of a philanthropy foundation in Boca Raton. AND my car is not working properly. If this car thing isn't resolved soon, I might not be able to make the five hour drive to the audition. Come to think of it, I might not be able to go at all. If my car is gonna cost an arm and a leg to fix, I'm not gonna be able to afford to stay in Boca if I DO get the role, let alone gas for the audition. Either way, I don't really think things will be working in my favor. Not a happy camper. So not happy that I threatened my car with beating it with a sledgehammer and leaving it for a younger, prettier car.

Do you think maybe that was too harsh?

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Update on Diet

  So, due to the 4th of July holiday and being in a rush constantly with rehearsals, work, and gym time, my "lifestyle alteration" has been shot to hell. I feel like I took one step forward and two back. I didn't gain any weight, mind you, but I feel like I've been eating all the wrong foods and I'm retaining water because of it. My great efforts towards that six-pack I've wanted since I was 12 are being set back.

  I guess this is the point where I step back and evaluate how realistic my expectations are with this diet thing...

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Raymond James Stadium Audition Video

I would like to apologize in advance for the sound cutting out part of the ending note. My webcam quality is crappy.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Things That Cross My Mind a Lot

These are some of the things that cross my mind a lot, especially lately...

I have a weird face. Like, seriously. It's an oval with two little folds that stick out of my jaw next to my chin on either side (if you don't believe me, go look at my headshot!). My nose is asymmetrical and has a massive crease down the center, and my eyes are tiny and so deep-set into my skull that you can't see them without a maglite or some serious eye makeup. My left side looks better than my right. I have weird shadowing too. Not to mention I'm paler than a dead person. How the f*** do people compliment me so much on my looks?? No, seriously! Enlighten me.

You better figure your life out soon before you get another lecture from your mother about how you're lucky to even be going to college and blah blah blah government blah blah blah cutting financial aid blah blah blah bad economy blah!

Why is everyone getting married and/or having babies?? Is there some sort of memo that I did not get about settling down immediately after high school?? People are cranking out babies like a slot machine and getting married and here I am trying to figure out how a simple small-town girl like me is going to even make a remote difference in the world while trying to clasp whatever's left of my carefree youth. It's quite anxiety-inducing itself and I wonder how you guys can fathom that you're bringing life into the world at 22 without having a panic attack.

Parents, as much as you worry and rag on me about my career choices and wanting to change my major, you know you're gonna be proud of me no matter what. Admit it. You KNOW you're gonna be sitting in the front row at graduation sobbing and bragging to everyone that that girl over there getting her diploma and shaking hands with the president of the college is your daughter and she's gonna be somebody someday. Admit it. You won't.

I might have a clearer idea of what to change my major to. I'm pretty excited about it so far. I'm not telling you though until I'm sure of myself. So don't ask me.

I don't get why I'm hell-bent on being an actor when I'm a much better singer.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Voice

I impulsively registered to audition for The Voice on NBC in Orlando in August. I need to find some really great songs, narrow them down, perfect them, and practice until then. I have a month or two. Let's get started!

I'm all nervous now. God help me.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Having One of Those Days...

  I'm having one of those days. The kind where you sit and panic. Just panic because you don't know what to do or where to go or anything. And worry. And yes, even cry a little. One of THOSE days. The kind where your throat feels like it's going to close up and you won't be able to breathe because you're so overwhelmed and overwrought with responsibility that to even let yourself inhale a tiny bit would be irresponsible. The kind where it seems like everyone is ten steps ahead of you and you can't catch up because there is no way to determine which way to go. The kind where it might not matter if you disappeared suddenly because you may never have anything to show for your existence.

  Today is ending very quickly on a sour note. It's all my doing. I kind of feel like a hopeless sad sack of a person. I'm a junior in college and it kind of looks to me like I'm the only one who still has no clue what to do with my life or any inkling of direction. Everyone has this clear-cut path of what they want to do with their careers, and here's pathetic ol' me, who gets this overwhelming feeling of dread when I anticipate somebody even asking me what I'm studying in school. And they do and I'm forced to talk about it because if I don't there will be some sort of repercussion for it. "Well, I'm studying dietetics. But I'm changing my major because I don't like it." "Oh. To what?" It's at this point that I want to punch their lights out for being so nosy. Seriously! Where do they get off prying into my life and insisting I tell them my life story?? Are they writing a freakin' book?! I normally hesitate with telling them I'm an actor because then I'd have to await the condescending "Oh, you'll never do anything with that!" comment that I've heard all too much. It's even worse when I have to break it to people that I really don't know what I want to study in school. Me. A junior in college. Three years of school and still no idea. On top of that I'm broke as f***! It really sucks. How can I stop being broke if I don't know how I'm going to stop being broke?

  And, to get this out of my system publicly while I'm here and it's relevant (HINT HINT), it really doesn't help when some of you ask and then think it's your place to scrutinize me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do! Mind your damn business! Who asked for your input?! Like there isn't enough pressure from my parents and the real world itself to keep up with. I get that you just want to be helpful, but the truth is... you're not! So stop it!

  I'm really trying to stay positive and I keep reminding myself that I'm not the only broke college student who is struggling to find a purpose outside of their creative talents. I try to keep telling myself that someday this will all have been worth it. I keep telling myself that I will eventually amount to something and not feel like such a joke.

This song helps a lot too. This guy is pretty hot ;P
Andy Grammer - Keep Your Head Up

Monday, May 30, 2011

Stuff You Don't Care About

It's late and I have to make this brief so I can sleep, so I'm just going to list everything about today that has happened.

1. Having to replace all my tires on my car, spending $360 altogether for those and my alignment. This came out of my savings. I am now putting myself on money lockdown so I can build my nest egg back up before school starts and I have to job search.
2. Panicking about what will happen if I can't find a job and what other shit I'm going to have to pay for and deal with back at school, and whether or not I really will have my life under control accordingly.
3. Having to tell my poor mother that I can't stay at her house with her because her smoking in the house is too much for me, when I really just want to go back to my mommy's.
4. Finding out that my schedule clashes with the filming schedule of the short I was supposed to be in, and now I can't be in it. I guess getting my first screen cred is still not happening.
5. Being told by the producer that the director and production team really want to work with me in future projects because I was in the top 3 people they chose for the role I was supposed to play. They liked me a lot.
6. Being called by another student production team and asked to be an extra for a film. I can't do it because I can't afford to keep driving up to Tally and back (before the other short fell through).
7. Getting into the residence hall I wanted for the fall. It's a two-story townhouse with two bedrooms and one bath, a kitchen and living room with a study area upstairs. I get three roommates. I'm bound to become good friends with one of them!
8. Spending the day with the love of my life and a lovely other couple today mini golfing, eating Olive Garden, and looking for hermit crabs at Pine Island.
9. Having my evening made by a group of little kids behind us watching the sunset and yelling:
Little Kid #1: Bye, Sun! Have a good time in China!
Little Kid #2: Bye, Sun! Have a good time in New Jersey!

Ok, so maybe there were more positives than negatives happening today, but so much has gone on that I don't know what to make the day at all. I still have an exam to study for, too...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Short Film Gig!

 So, to post an update on the short film (my third post today!), I will be filming in Panacea, FL next week! I have a bit role, and the first line of the film (it's also my only line). I can't post anything else on the film because I don't want to give away too much. As soon as it's finished I will post it everywhere for everyone to see and such... maybe.

Good Things Are Coming For Me. Who's Waiting.

 Ahhhhhhh!! I just got a call for a thesis film that's shooting in the beginning of June! Unfortunately I'm not available for most of the dates they're filming. Gahh!

 The director will call me if the days I am available will work out. Fingers crossed. I feel like I'm getting closer.

 Will Lexi eventually get her screen creds? Keep tuning in periodically to find out stuff.

The Music Man

I made the ensemble! Wheeeeeeeeeeee! I've already posted this on Facebook 7,894,865,766 times!!! The first rehearsal is tomorrow from 2-9. 7 hours! 7 hours to do what I love the best!

In other news, I figured out why I end up broke so quickly. Apparently they charge me $10 overdraft protection fees when I have insufficient funds in my checking account. Now, I thought I was avoiding that by setting my account to take money out of my savings and automatically transferring it to my checking, which they do. But they are charging me an overdraft protection fee. I'm $10 short of what I got paid this week because I didn't transfer funds in time. I'm an idiot. An idiot who needs to pay more attention to her bank account.

You don't care! Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!

Someone save me from studying, please.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Update on Stuff

  I know I said I was going to post on my "diet" (in parentheses because it's not technically a diet, per se) and I haven't. I said I was going to post daily for the first two weeks, and then weekly for however long I feel like it. I'm sorry, but that's way too much work. I posted one day, and I was about to finish Day 2, but I didn't have time. Let's face it, I have a life. I really don't want to take the time to write everything I eat and write all the calories down and my qualitative feelings and crap on this blog for three or four people to read. I can't do it. But I will tell you it is going really well. I've been eating a lot of veggies, and drinking only water and tea. I don't typically drink soda, and I gave up coffee because it's too acidic for my voice. As a singer/actor, I need to take care of my instrument.

  It's sad and a bunch of crap. I really want to see a study that specifically shows any long-run damages to the throat done from drinking coffee every day. But I digress...

  So, I've been eating a lot of veggies and fruit, and I've been letting myself indulge in something sweet or junkie every so often. I am never as ravenous as I used to get because of all the fiber and stuff. I don't feel full after I eat, nor am I sluggish. The only thing I need to work on is bringing food with me when I go to work or somewhere for a long period of time. I had auditions for "The Music Man" Sunday. I ate at 12, got to the audition at 2, and didn't get home till 9 (I would have gotten home sooner, but had to pick up a prescription, which involved calling my insurance company to override them not covering it at retail level and other crap. I'm going off on a parenthetical tangent...). I stopped at Jason's Deli and got a huge sandwich because I was starving. If I had just brought food to munch on during the audition, I would not have spent $7 on that sandwich. Just sayin'...

  Oh, and today I think I realized how little I really need sweets. I ate a chocolate creme doughnut that I'd been craving for about two months now. I never thought I would see the day when doughnuts would become too sweet for me. It's bittersweet, really.

  I'll be doing myself and my body a favor though...

  In other news, I kicked ass at "The Music Man" auditions. It's about freakin' time I had a productive audition. Normally I don't consider myself a good dancer, in the event that I have a disappoiting audition and people know not to get their hopes up. But I did really well at the dance audition. Like, REALLY well. I was one of four people in our group that was asked to stay so they could see what else we are capable of. And my singing audition was phenomenal as well. I don't really like to toot my own horn, but I haven't had a good audition like this in months, so I think a good self horn-tooting is in order. I got a callback, and I go back tomorrow. I really wanna be cast as Marion the librarian. It would be a change from all the whorish characters I've played in the last two years or so. Even if I don't get the role, being in the chorus will be fun, too. I will get to play a bunch of different characters and dance! I haven't done that since my sophomore year when our high school did a production of "Anything Goes." Either way, I'm in a win-win situation :)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

To put this out in the open...

  Remember how I said I was auditioning for student films in April? Well, I did. Since then I haven't said a word about it.

  I haven't really posted anything in here about my acting other than mentioning in one entry that I was auditioning for a bunch of things. I guess I haven't posted anything because there's really nothing to post. I'm going through a huge dry spell and sad to admit it. Well, I did. Right there. I skipped out on auditioning for plays at school because it was my first semester and I wanted to get acclimated to the campus and not get into too much too soon. Pretty simple, right?

  I auditioned for student films. It's easy. You get to pick from a bunch of sides they had on a table in a room and then you go upstairs and read from the side on camera. They keep your audition clip in their database and student directors call you back based on your audition, if they like you.

  A while ago I posted on Facebook that I had all these awesome summer plans, all of which fell through, by the way. I specifically said that there was something awesome possibly lined up for me, but I didn't say anything further because I didn't want to disappoint anyone if it didn't happen. And it didn't. So I said nothing further. But I feel like I should put it out in the open because it was quite exciting, even if it did fall through.

I got called back for a student film. A callback! ME!

  I got a callback for a student film. I didn't even think I did well enough at my general audition to even get anything. Apparently I did something right. I read from the side for the director, who was an MFA director, and that was it for my callback. It didn't happen for me. He said "We'll be in touch within the next few days." That was in April. He was supposed to be filming last week. Yeah, it fell through. I had a feeling it would.

  I was a bit down about it. Not about the film specifically, but because everything else fell through and on top of it I had no money or job and not a lot of people to turn to up there. I think I thought by telling people, they would think something was wrong with me and that I wasn't much of an actor if I couldn't get the part. It was my own problem within myself.

  I was viewing this rejection as the glass being half-empty instead of half-full. Instead of being happy that I got a callback, I was pissed cause I didn't have anything going for me. I felt inadequate because everything fell through. But I know I'm not. That's just the business. There's more rejection than job opportunities. It sucks. Realistically I'm going to have to work for a living to pay the bills. Most actors and models do. That's just the way it is. Time to shake it off and keep trying.

Besides, getting a callback is freaking awesome in itself! I'm that much closer :D

Monday, May 16, 2011

Operation Thrive: Day 1

Day 1 of my new diet
Breakfast: Bowl of shredded wheat, unfrosted with skim milk, and a cup of coffee with creamer and about 2 tsp sugar. Calories: 320

Midmorning, Pre-class "lunch," if you will: Veggie omelet with only 1 egg, diced peppers, onions, and tomatoes, and cheese. Calories: Roughly 200-250, counting the skim milk, veggies and cheese.

Afternoon, Post-class Lunch: Bowl of plain oatmeal sweetened with a tsp of peanut butter (gimme a break here, my dad had NO food in the house. I had little to work with), and a spoonful of hot fudge found in the fridge (I was craving chocolate really badly). Calories: 228

Dinner: Fage Greek yogurt, unsweetened and VERY bitter, with a handful of baby carrots, a sliced apple, two tsp of peanut butter and a cup of green tea with milk and sugar. Calories: 370

Progress: Feeling hungry, craving a cheeseburger and sushi, wondering how anybody can eat like this every day AND exercise. I was tempted to go out to eat and order like, everything on the menu.
Total calories: 1118-1168
Fortunately, that's only about half of what I need to get through the day. No wonder I feel hungry. In my defense though, I didn't have much to work with that also appealed to me. But my dad went grocery shopping, so I'll have more to work with and I'll eat more tomorrow.
Goal: Get myself to maintain this healthier way of eating while getting enough calories.

You're probably thinking, "Lexi on a diet?? This is unreal!"

But, let me explain.

So, everyone who knows me knows that I am a huge foodie who is hungry a lot. I have a large apetite and this ability to consume large quantities of food in one sitting. It's become a running joke with my best friend and her family, who in high school would invite me over for dinner because they knew I would inhale anything and everything they put on my plate. Yep, that's me! Proud foodie!

Let's get to the point, here. I'm a proud foodie who does not feel well lately. I've been pretty much eating whatever I want whenever I want, and it's starting to take a toll on me. I'm tired after I eat if I eat too much. I'm also just plain old tired, period. I have no energy to get out and exercise, or even face the day sometimes. My face is breaking out and my skin looks dull and pallid. I also suffer from bloating and other gastrointestinal things you don't need to know about. It's quite disgusting.

I named this new diet "Operation Thrive" because I'm modifying my diet to reach my full potential. I was eating really healthy last summer and exercising almot every day. I remember feeling so good and on top of the world, and I didn't look half-bad either! I was getting great muscle tone and my skin glowed. I didn't need foundation, or even makeup, at all. I slept really well at night, and I had all this energy that I was able to put towards my productivity. I could climb stairs without getting winded! I am trying to replicate that so I can accomplish my everyday routine without stopping to nap for two hours (or taking Beano ;P). So here is my plan: eat a predominantly plant-based diet that's high in fiber and protein (surprise!), and low in junk. By junk, I mean fried foods, excessive amounts of sweets, and anything greasy or processed. My grain intake will mostly be whole-grain bread. Pasta intake will be sparing or in really small portions because it's filling and makes me sleepy. I will also allow myself to eat potatoes because I love them so darn much, but not too often because they are really filling and make me sleepy. I will also allow myself to eat a big greasy cheeseburger or dessert if I want to as well. This isn't about deprivation or making food an enemy or anything like that. It's about doing my body some good by feeding it properly. I will be tracking my progress qualitatively as far as energy, any weaknesses or slip-ups, and goals. I will post daily blogs for the first two weeks, then I will only post weekly.

I feel like there is a huge disclaimer that needs to go with this blog, because there will be that one person who criticizes me and tells me I'm too skinny while ranting off on a tangent about how I'm young and I should enjoy eating what I want when I want while my metabolism is still fast and stop hating my body because I'll miss it when I get old and decrepit and all that and a bag of chips. *long breath* So, let me make this clear right now. And put it in bold, bright red, underlined letters. I'm NOT in this to deprive myself or lose weight! I do NOT hate my body, either; this is for my health. Then there are those few cynics, who I can just picture in my head right now, that will read this and think, "Yeah, right. I'll give her about a week. Then she'll go back to eating everything in sight." I really don't care what you have to say. This isn't about you. Please keep your negative comments to yourself. They really don't phase me because this isn't about impressing anyone or trying to prove anything. I just want to feel better.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Currently playing in a loop in my head...

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make a move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands, just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, ohhh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could

Steady feet, don't fail me now
I'm a-run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My Original Open Letters to Annoying People Part 1...

Dear Idiots Who Sit Behind Me in Economics and Talk the Whole Period,

  Hey! Long time, no speak! Ever. Remember me? I'm the quiet girl who sits in front of you in Econ that you probably don't remember because we've never even spoken or exchanged glances. Come to think of it, you've never even heard of me before, or of anybody in our class for that matter. Hmmm, wonder why that is. OH! Because you're too busy conversing amongst yourselves as if there's nobody else around who can hear you. Well, I just want to introduce myself and tell you to SHUT THE HELL UP! Seriously! Could you BE any louder? Is there no better time for you to chit chat? What the frick is so important that's keeping you from being lost in the topic of supply and demand and personal finance? Are the number of drinking games you played last night so much more interesting than econ that you have to practically freaking announce it to everyone within a 50-ft radius? Can you not wait until after the class is over to catch up on the mundane details of your idiotic frat-boy lifestyle?

Let's see, how can we fix this? Since you seem to be so hell-bent on disrespecting our professor and making myself and the rest of the class distracted from learning anything with your comments on "that one girl's rack," maybe to make up for lost time I can distract you from your next game of beer pong. Yeah I think I'll stand directly behind you and give a detailed unabriged analysis of the novel I wrote a research paper about for my senior project. How do you like those apples? What? You wouldn't? You mean that's not what people do at parties? Well that's too bad, respectful people don't babble on and on about their poor use of their spare time loudly IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS.

Don't get me wrong here, occassionally I find myself slipping out of focus too. I wouldn't expect any less from a bunch of exhausted college students. But that's not my point. At least I do it discreetly and don't turn to have a side conversation about how I could care less about college and am only going because my parents are paying for it! Most people turn to doodling, or Facebooking. You might try that. Your classmates might appreciate it.


The Fed Up Quiet Girl Who Sits in Front of You

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Open Letter to The Monthlies

Dear Monthlies,

  We haven't spoken in a while, have we? How are you? Hope all is well. As for myself, I cannot complain. Normally. Right now, I could though.

  Usually when you arrive I do not complain very much. Or I haven't had to as of the last few years. Your visits are brief and you are normally very mild-mannered and grateful that I am letting you throw off my groove, if you know what I mean. You also throw me off-balance quite gently and are very accomodating about leaving everything the way it was when you arrived, given my attitiude about exercise when I have your company. As much as I appreciate your timeliness every month and kind indication that all is well and normal in utero, I really do have one request to make: Could you let up on the apetite changes a little?? I mean really! I understand that I am a big eater and require eating frequently to accomodate my fast metabolism so that I don't waste away, but is it really necessary that my apetite skyrocket up to preposterous heights?

  It is bad enough that fatigue and abdominal cramps prevent me from hitting the gym to maintain what little muscle mass I have spent three months working for. Now you have to make it worse by making my cravings for sweets increase one-hundredfold?? I must have eaten at least 600-800 calories worth of chocolate and cookies today! Oh, and let's not forget the 7-8 breakfast pastries I had for breakfast while at The Big Event this morning! Really not good for the health kick I've been on lately. I let you take residence in my endocrine system and wreak all kinds of havoc, including but not limited to potentially screwing up my personal relationships, and all I get in return is a bloated stomach and having to start my workout routine from square one. Thanks for nothing, really.

Your very bitter arch-enemy,


P.S. If I end up boarding up or tearing out the guest house any time in the next 15 years, you'll know why. Have a nice cycle.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


It's a quarter to midnight, I have class at 9:30 tomorrow, and lo and behold I can't sleep. Too much on my mind. A lot of nerves and anxiety. A lot's gone on since I left, and there are things coming up that I'm getting the good ol' mean reds about. This is gonna sound weird, but it actually feels really good to blog; writing has become therapeutic lately, and I don't know why I haven't stuck to it. People seem to find it annoying when others post their every mundane detail on the internet, but as long as that person isn't being too graphic or rude I see nothing wrong with expressing feelings. We're all entitled to them, after all.

I guess since I've spent a whole paragraph beating around the bush I guess I should admit the reason for my insomnia. I'm sure more than a few people have noticed that I've been a pain in the ass lately. A big one. I've been really negative and whiny and irritating, like nonstop. I don't need anyone to confirm it for me, I've noticed it the duration I've been away. First my parents, then my friends, maybe my roommate, and I'm positive a majority of the year I've been on my boyfriend's last nerve for sure. Hell, I've shot my own nerves, you know there's a problem when that happens. I could probably attribute it to a lot of things right now, but I've already tried to rationalize, introspect, make excuses, and search for psychological personality complexes ad nauseam and quite frankly I'm tired of it. I just want to start over. Now.

I've been a pain in ass towards people starting with my parents, and it's gradually worked its way out to my social circle and probably those outside the circle on Facebook. I can't help but feel that people are sick of me; I would be too. Well, to the people whose patience I've worn down, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, parents. I'm sorry, roommate. I'm sorry, boyfriend. I'm sorry, friends. I'm sorry, people on Facebook. I'm sorry, self. I'm sorry I've done nothing but complain in some way shape or form since I got here. Sorry I let myself relapse from what was a happier state. Sorry I tried to find a scapegoat for my issues. Sorry for everything. :(

I don't know, I just needed that out of my system. Now I just need sleep in my system. Now.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Boredom At Its Finest

This is my current coping mechanism for my state of boredom. I went on Google and typed in "nom nom nom" and looked through the images sections. I ended up saving a bunch of really hilarious pictures because I'm a dork and would rather do dorky things than be in bed sleeping like all them old people :P

That said, here is what I found:

Cute little bunny noms!


This one is kind of horrible, yet funny.

This one looks more like reverse nomming, which is fancy, made-up slang for barfing...
Too cute...

Bahahahaha there are no words!

 Needless to say, not much is going on at my end of the internet. Ooh! I also saw this picture of a rubix cube sandwich:
This is completely irrelevant to this post, however this is too awesome not to post. It was under the "nom nom nom" Google images, so technically it is semi-relevant. It is also a clear indicator of how hungry I am and how desperately I need to go grocery shopping.

That is all.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

New Perspective on Aging

 Today I watched my dad's partner skydive. I was a little iffy about going myself, so I didn't. Plus it's $275, which is money I can't afford to spend at this time. After seeing for myself how fun it really is, and how your stomach doesn't do flip-flops after you jump out, I totally want to go. I wouldn't jump by myself just yet because I don't have the experience, but I would have an instructor. Plus, you can get it on DVD. Hello, bragging rights!
 Anywho, before he boarded I saw the coolest thing in the world. There was this group of 70 year-old men in the group before him that were all dressed up their jumpsuits with their gear all ready to go. They were the most badass group of old guys I'd ever seen. They were regulars. 70 years old and jumping out of planes as a hobby. I only hope I am this cool when I'm old.

Friday, March 11, 2011

I've been thinking... which is dangerous...

I'm in one of those funks again of which I can't get out without annoying people on Facebook and anyone within a 5-mile radius. Time to make myself scarce and begin keeping myself occupied to the max. Things to prepare myself for:
1. Film School Auditions in April
2. Summer job auditions at Busch Gardens (my main focus is securing that job for sure!)
3. If Busch Gardens doesn't work out, auditions at Universal Studios.
4. Submitting to talent agencies
5. If none of those work, then I'm going to have to find some other performing job that pays, or find somewhere relating to Dietetics to volunteer at so I can secure an internship and have my backup taken care of... ish.
6. Getting a job for the fall and spring of next year
7. Volunteer work and CHICS
8. Heavy gym workouts
9. Getting straight A's and if not that, A's and B's.
10. Maybe doing Relay For Life, provided film school auditions are also still the following weekend and I can do the weekend after Relay instead of the morning after staying up for 18 hours straight, should I decide to even do Relay.
11. Talking to advisors about the film studies, theater, and music minors

Maybe I'll have a social life in there somewhere, provided I don't barricade myself away too much. We'll see.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Last Week

I haven't written anything in a week... mainly because I'm lazy and I have no reason to. Well, I do have plenty of reason to write. I have plenty of things to write about, like the reenactment last weekend and the ghost hunt I went on. I just have no followers. So, how's about you subscribe?
I saw the French foreign film "Amelie" for the third time today. It gets better every time I see it. Love it! Happy face :D

In other news, my door handle on my dorm door is broken. I can't get out of my room without a 15 minute power struggle with the doorknob. Maintenance will fix it in 3-5 days. Hopefully my door doesn't win the next power stuggle, or else I'm screwed for the next few days. Such things are the mundane details of my life (and I wonder why nobody follows me *facepalm*).

Oh! And water is wet. That is all.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


It's amazing how little we realize the impermanence of life. We think life as we know it will keep going as we know it until something happens that makes us realize just how different things are, or will be. Especially when it comes to people. We get so caught up in ourselves that we take people forgranted and sometimes we don't even realize we do it until someone is gone.

Now, I find it surprising that I haven't written about this before, being that I've suffered several losses in my short 21-year lifetime, most of them occurring in due time. I've lost pets, uncles, a cousin, an aunt, my great-grandparents, and I lost my paternal grandparents just last summer. I lost one of my high school friends to pancreatic cancer. He was 19. That loss I found particularly unfair. He was a talented dancer and drummer who, if he hadn't died from cancer, would have no doubt made a name for himself. Loss is not at all unfamiliar to me.

However, when a loss occurs suddenly, it seems to really hit home. Even if it's a very indirect loss. A friend of mine from middle school just lost her father in a motorcycle accident. Two days ago, as I was driving back to college actually, he and a friend were stopped at a light and a completely sober woman in a Honda plowed into them both. The friend suffered a broken leg and was released from the hospital. My classmate's father suffered a brain stem injury that left him on life support. They took him off today and he is no longer with us.

I remember the days back in middle school when I was over my classmate's house almost every other weekend. During the summers some Fridays I would stay over her house and Saturday her parents would take us out on the boat. Her dad was always really friendly and welcoming and I always had a good time with that family. It's a shame. One careless mistake made by another person ends this man's life. I can't even imagine what his family feels right now. I know if it were my father I would be absolutely devastated. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

Life is not guaranteed. It is easy to create and therefore easy to destroy. It is also unbelievable how unfair it is sometimes.What I really want to point out and advise all my readers (all two of you) is not to take your life for granted. Don't take anything or anyone for granted. Life is impermanent and you never know when it will be taken away. Live life to the fullest. Be on good terms with people. Say "thank you" and "I love you" and mean it. Be safe. Don't drink and drive, or text and drive. Wear a seatbelt. Wear your helmet. And for God's sake, watch out for motorcyclists!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentine's Day Weekend

Hey folks,

We spoil each other rotten ;)

Hope everyone had a splendiferous weekend! I know I did. Went home for the weekend from college to celebrate an early Valentine's Day with my boyfriend of one year. We had a blast, like we always do when we are together. The fair was the best part, but I'll get to that later because I like to write in chronological order to keep my thoughts semi-organized. *long breath* Sooo, Friday I drove 4 1/2 hours home, went to dinner at Grille 54 with my dad, Patrick, Marla, and Devin was our waiter. Shenanigans happened. Fun times. Then Saturday Pat worked and I finished his V-Day gift. I made him this illustrated coupon book full of cutesy things to do for your boyfriend. I hate to toot my own horn here, but I am a creative genius sometimes. My coupon ideas and illustrations were damn good. For example, one of the coupons was called "Automatically Win an Argument (Maybe)," and another was "Complaint-Free Foot Rub (Mostly.)." You kind of have to see them, so I'll post a few pics of my ingenuity later on ;). So we went on a picnic and exchanged gifts. He laughed his butt off at my coupons cause I'm good, and I got the ring in the picture.
Then we gorged ourselves on picnic food and talked about how much we love each other and all that mushy stuff you don't care to hear about.
Now for my favorite part. THE FAIR.
Anybody whose been to a fair knows that there all kinds of wacky people, food, and things that go on. Well, that was just it. I'm not going to get into the whole story about the fair because it's long and my chronologic way of thinking might make this more mundane than it was, so I'll just highlight the best parts of the night.
Things that rocked about the fair:
1. Animals!
2. Rides
3. The neat historical exhibits
4. Wacky fried foods on a stick

1. LOVED the animals. We went into one of the barns and there were about two different breeds of cow, five different breeds of sheep, and eight different breeds of goats, all eight breeds of which tried to eat my scarf. AND you got to pet them all! And the babies were so little and cute and I just wanted to take them all home. Same with the rabbits in the Rabbit and Poultry Barn. I got some pictures of some goofy birds too. And I was *this* close to a Florida Panther, and Florida Black Bear. They were cute. I wanted to take them all home. And hug them and squeeze them and pet them... and name them George! But then my dorm might turn into a bloodbath. And my roommate would hate me forever.

2. We didn't go on too many rides because it was $20 for 20 tix, and since there were two of us sharing a sheet, they went pretty quickly. So we just did the ferris wheel and swingy spinny thing. Still awesome because rides are awesome... like the fair. The Ferris Wheel was romantic. We kissed. And cuddled. And you don't care... moving forward.

3. There were some neat exhibits. I liked the agricultural one that showed live species of native and invasive species of Florida wildlife. There were plants, fishies, and mammals. I wanted to take them all home and hug them and squeeze them and you know the drill. Pat's favorite was the steam engine one that had every different model of the steam engine, when it was created, and what its use was for. I wasn't too excited about that one. Steam engines are not my cup of tea.

4. The wacky fried foods on a stick was one of the best parts of the night. Honestly, we could have just skipped out on the picnic because we ate so much at the fair. You won't believe some of the stuff that they will put on a stick. Chocolate covered cheesecake, pizza (!), ice cream (Umm... I think that would just be called a popsicle as opposed to "Ice Cream on a Stick"... doesn't make much sense to me there.), to name a few. And you will not believe what they will deep-fry. Cheese, twinkies, Snicker's bars, ice cream, Oreos. We tried fried Wisconsin cheddar nuggets, fried Oreos, and we split a Philly cheesesteak (which was not deep-fried), all of which were delicious. I would have eaten more, but I didn't wanna barf from Fair Food Overload. I tried the chocolate covered cheesecake on a stick last year. AMAZING.

Things that suck about fairs

1. The price that boyfriends pay to win a stuffed animal for their girlfriends
2. The freak shows
3. Me making the same mistake of wearing high-heeled boots every year, insisting that my feet will be cold if I wear anything else (and refusing to wear sneakers because they look terrible on me unless I'm going to the gym), but ending up having to leave early because my feet hurt so badly.

1. Poor Pat. He ended up spending $20 on a balloon popping dart game to win me a stuffed dog. And he didn't do it on purpose. The guy totally tricked him into paying $5, throwing a dart, and then talked him into paying another $5 to throw another dart until he won. I felt pretty badly about that... but I'm glad Pat won the doggie for me. He's cute. I named him Rex. And I made him bark and wag his tail. Cause I'm five.

2. The. Freak. Shows. Suck. No seriously, don't be That Idiot Who Pays Money to Get Tricked, like me. Last year, I talked Pat into paying two bucks for us to see some lady with the head of a human, and the body of a snake. Totally fake. The lady was sitting under a table with a hole in it and the snake body attached to the table. There were mirrors around the outside of the table that reflected the hay on the ground so you couldn't see she was sitting under there. Ugh.
THIS year I paid two bucks for myself only to see five freak show attractions that were put together (Pat decided against being That Idiot Who Pays Money to Get Tricked. Smart guy.). They were "The World's Largest Pig," "The World's Largest Snake," "The World's Largest Alligator," "The World's Largest Rat," and "The World's Smallest Horse." Idk what the f*** I was thinking, but apparently my expectations were a bit on the unrealistic side. The pig was huge, and stinky. I'm not sure if it was THE world's largest pig, but it was pretty frickin' huge. The alligator was also huge, almost seven feet I wanna say. Not something I would want roaming around my neighborhood. I missed out on the snake because I'm an idiot and I walk right past things that are right in front of me, so I couldn't tell you if it was disappointing or not. But the last two were. The "World's Smallest Horse" was a miniature horse in a pit full of hay. Go figure. The "World's Largest Rat" was freakin' hilarious. I think looking back, I pee a little laughing at people's stupidity regarding this attraction. It was not a rat. At all. It was a Capybara. A Capybara! For those of you who have never seen one before (I hadn't until recently last year), it is a relative of the guinea pig that inhabits the marshes of South America. It basically looks like a guinea pig on steroids. It is the world's largest RODENT, but NOT rat. They get to be about 39 to 51 inches tall. This is a Capybara.
He is cute, I'll give him that. But not a rat. Just a cousin. It sucks because I was pointing out to the people around me that it wasn't a rat, but I couldn't remember the word "capybara." I sounded kind of like: "That's not a rat, guys. Just so you know. I forget what they're called, but they're related to guinea pigs I think. Don't quote me on that, though. Yeah that's definitely not a rat." And I gestured a thumbs-down at Patrick, meaning: "This one was disappointing." I'm an idiot, namely That Idiot Who Pays Money to Get Tricked.

3. I make the same mistake every year of wearing high-heeled boots to the fair, insisting that my feet will be cold if I wear anything else, while refusing to wear sneakers because I'm vain and think they look silly with anything I wear that isn't gym clothing, which doesn't matter anyways because fairs are dirty and the perfect place to ruin pretty shoes. *long breath* I'm a drama queen, you wouldn't understand ;)

Although I wrote a lot more about the comically bad parts of fairs, I really did have a blast. I have had a blast every year for the last two years, and I will continue to go every year forever and ever and ever until I'm old and decrepit and die. Patrick has made my last two Valentine's Days amazing. Happy Pre-Valentine's Day! And many more to come...

Capybaras are cute. I want one. I would hug him and squeeze him and pet him. And name him George. And I could train him and teach him to sit, and roll over, and fetch... and play Chinese Checkers. And he could stay in my dorm and sleep in my bed. But we're not allowed to have pets. And my room would get messy. And then my roommate might hate me forever. So would my RA.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Oh, hey Blogspot!

So, on a whim I decided to make of these blog things so I can be like the rest of the hopeless, sarcastic commentators out there with no place to post their thoughts and other useless nonsense except out in public for God and everyone to see instead of a journal like normal people. *long breath* But who ever said I was normal? That said, I'd like to thank the industry and all the little people who have done nothing to contribute to said blog-creating-whim mentioned in the introductory run-on sentence. And my parents.