Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Newly-Liberated Self

I think I'm well on my way out of being a people pleaser.

  I've noticed that I've become more assertive and brutally honest with people. I'm attributing this to being on my own and taking my own needs into consideration, something I never used to do until I was way beyond meltdown point. I also don't tolerate bullcrap from people as much, and I have a much easier time communicating when someone's being a jerk. So, don't give me problems unless you'd like to hear it from my mouth in raw form.
  The truth of the matter is that I simply don't care anymore. I mean, I care, but no longer to the extent of fragility over what people will think of me. Don't get me wrong, I still have plenty of consideration for how people might feel when you tell them something they might not want to hear. Believe me, I've been at the tail end of brutal honesty more times in my life than I can remember and I  know how badly it sucks. I'm just not going to tell people what they want to hear anymore. If you ask my honest opinion on something, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you what's wrong, how it can be bettered, and then I'm going to move on.
  There comes a certain point in your life where you start to evaluate people and situations into two categories: worth the heartache and not worth the heartache. Most things simply aren't worth the heartache to me anymore. Now, I'm not saying people don't still piss me off like they used to. Believe me, if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to punch someone in the face for being stupid, especially recently, I'd probably own the bank. But letting these things weigh on my mind isn't worth the heartache. I'm learning the art of letting go.
  Patrick thinks this new me could be dangerous, but I kind of like this new girl more than the old girl. The old girl, upon criticism or insult, would get overly defensive or call up every one of her friends and complain and whine about the situation while never directly saying a word to her critic. She would let something little like that pain her for days, weeks even. I've learned to say what's on my mind, then let the situation go. It's great.

I feel liberated.