Monday, August 29, 2011

First Day of School...

...sucked! I've yet to attend a class today that I know I'm going to like. Foods, Intermediary Metabolism, and Functional Anatomy and Physiology. Two of which are difficult classes, I might add. Now, I could very easily overlook the difficult aspect of these classes if I actually liked them. I usually know on the first day of class if it's a class I'm going to like. No such feelings today.

  Which brings me to this question: Why am I still a freakin' dietetics major?? I hated it from the first day of Intro to Dietetics class last semester! I knew it wasn't for me the minute I set foot in the College of Human Sciences building during orientation. I had never felt so out of place. It didn't feel like the place for me, and still doesn't. The thing is, everyone in this field of study is looking to become a Registered Dietitian. They are excited, bright-eyed dedicated students that ask questions in class and strive to know every detail about the profession. They are driven. I'm not one of those students. I'm dedicated... to having a high GPA. That's it. I've made that achievement. But I'm smart. I can achieve a high GPA anyway. But if there's no drive, then there's no point.

  I used to be very driven about helping others achieve full health through nutrition. The drive is gone, but the dedication is still there. I feel like an empty shell. I've felt like this for a long time now. I've never told anyone but Patrick until now. Now you know. It's because I'm constantly seeking approval from others. My parents. My friends. You name it. For the longest time I've always done what I should in regards to how it will affect other people in my life, but I've never looked to what's in my best interest. The only reason I'm doing dietetics is to make other people happy. I care too much what everyone will think if I do something else. I care too much what other people think period. But I can't keep worrying about what others think or about making them happy. I need to account for my own happiness before others' or else this is all I'm gonna be. A shell. Hard and hollow. There shouldn't be a nauseating wave of dread that sweeps over me whenever someone asks me what I'm studying in school. I should wake up in the morning excited to share what I can bring to the world, MY way. If I'm happy, then others will follow suit for me.

It's time for a change.