Saturday, June 18, 2011

Raymond James Stadium Audition Video

I would like to apologize in advance for the sound cutting out part of the ending note. My webcam quality is crappy.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Things That Cross My Mind a Lot

These are some of the things that cross my mind a lot, especially lately...

I have a weird face. Like, seriously. It's an oval with two little folds that stick out of my jaw next to my chin on either side (if you don't believe me, go look at my headshot!). My nose is asymmetrical and has a massive crease down the center, and my eyes are tiny and so deep-set into my skull that you can't see them without a maglite or some serious eye makeup. My left side looks better than my right. I have weird shadowing too. Not to mention I'm paler than a dead person. How the f*** do people compliment me so much on my looks?? No, seriously! Enlighten me.

You better figure your life out soon before you get another lecture from your mother about how you're lucky to even be going to college and blah blah blah government blah blah blah cutting financial aid blah blah blah bad economy blah!

Why is everyone getting married and/or having babies?? Is there some sort of memo that I did not get about settling down immediately after high school?? People are cranking out babies like a slot machine and getting married and here I am trying to figure out how a simple small-town girl like me is going to even make a remote difference in the world while trying to clasp whatever's left of my carefree youth. It's quite anxiety-inducing itself and I wonder how you guys can fathom that you're bringing life into the world at 22 without having a panic attack.

Parents, as much as you worry and rag on me about my career choices and wanting to change my major, you know you're gonna be proud of me no matter what. Admit it. You KNOW you're gonna be sitting in the front row at graduation sobbing and bragging to everyone that that girl over there getting her diploma and shaking hands with the president of the college is your daughter and she's gonna be somebody someday. Admit it. You won't.

I might have a clearer idea of what to change my major to. I'm pretty excited about it so far. I'm not telling you though until I'm sure of myself. So don't ask me.

I don't get why I'm hell-bent on being an actor when I'm a much better singer.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Voice

I impulsively registered to audition for The Voice on NBC in Orlando in August. I need to find some really great songs, narrow them down, perfect them, and practice until then. I have a month or two. Let's get started!

I'm all nervous now. God help me.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Having One of Those Days...

  I'm having one of those days. The kind where you sit and panic. Just panic because you don't know what to do or where to go or anything. And worry. And yes, even cry a little. One of THOSE days. The kind where your throat feels like it's going to close up and you won't be able to breathe because you're so overwhelmed and overwrought with responsibility that to even let yourself inhale a tiny bit would be irresponsible. The kind where it seems like everyone is ten steps ahead of you and you can't catch up because there is no way to determine which way to go. The kind where it might not matter if you disappeared suddenly because you may never have anything to show for your existence.

  Today is ending very quickly on a sour note. It's all my doing. I kind of feel like a hopeless sad sack of a person. I'm a junior in college and it kind of looks to me like I'm the only one who still has no clue what to do with my life or any inkling of direction. Everyone has this clear-cut path of what they want to do with their careers, and here's pathetic ol' me, who gets this overwhelming feeling of dread when I anticipate somebody even asking me what I'm studying in school. And they do and I'm forced to talk about it because if I don't there will be some sort of repercussion for it. "Well, I'm studying dietetics. But I'm changing my major because I don't like it." "Oh. To what?" It's at this point that I want to punch their lights out for being so nosy. Seriously! Where do they get off prying into my life and insisting I tell them my life story?? Are they writing a freakin' book?! I normally hesitate with telling them I'm an actor because then I'd have to await the condescending "Oh, you'll never do anything with that!" comment that I've heard all too much. It's even worse when I have to break it to people that I really don't know what I want to study in school. Me. A junior in college. Three years of school and still no idea. On top of that I'm broke as f***! It really sucks. How can I stop being broke if I don't know how I'm going to stop being broke?

  And, to get this out of my system publicly while I'm here and it's relevant (HINT HINT), it really doesn't help when some of you ask and then think it's your place to scrutinize me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do! Mind your damn business! Who asked for your input?! Like there isn't enough pressure from my parents and the real world itself to keep up with. I get that you just want to be helpful, but the truth is... you're not! So stop it!

  I'm really trying to stay positive and I keep reminding myself that I'm not the only broke college student who is struggling to find a purpose outside of their creative talents. I try to keep telling myself that someday this will all have been worth it. I keep telling myself that I will eventually amount to something and not feel like such a joke.

This song helps a lot too. This guy is pretty hot ;P
Andy Grammer - Keep Your Head Up