Wednesday, March 23, 2011


It's a quarter to midnight, I have class at 9:30 tomorrow, and lo and behold I can't sleep. Too much on my mind. A lot of nerves and anxiety. A lot's gone on since I left, and there are things coming up that I'm getting the good ol' mean reds about. This is gonna sound weird, but it actually feels really good to blog; writing has become therapeutic lately, and I don't know why I haven't stuck to it. People seem to find it annoying when others post their every mundane detail on the internet, but as long as that person isn't being too graphic or rude I see nothing wrong with expressing feelings. We're all entitled to them, after all.

I guess since I've spent a whole paragraph beating around the bush I guess I should admit the reason for my insomnia. I'm sure more than a few people have noticed that I've been a pain in the ass lately. A big one. I've been really negative and whiny and irritating, like nonstop. I don't need anyone to confirm it for me, I've noticed it the duration I've been away. First my parents, then my friends, maybe my roommate, and I'm positive a majority of the year I've been on my boyfriend's last nerve for sure. Hell, I've shot my own nerves, you know there's a problem when that happens. I could probably attribute it to a lot of things right now, but I've already tried to rationalize, introspect, make excuses, and search for psychological personality complexes ad nauseam and quite frankly I'm tired of it. I just want to start over. Now.

I've been a pain in ass towards people starting with my parents, and it's gradually worked its way out to my social circle and probably those outside the circle on Facebook. I can't help but feel that people are sick of me; I would be too. Well, to the people whose patience I've worn down, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, parents. I'm sorry, roommate. I'm sorry, boyfriend. I'm sorry, friends. I'm sorry, people on Facebook. I'm sorry, self. I'm sorry I've done nothing but complain in some way shape or form since I got here. Sorry I let myself relapse from what was a happier state. Sorry I tried to find a scapegoat for my issues. Sorry for everything. :(

I don't know, I just needed that out of my system. Now I just need sleep in my system. Now.

1 comment:

  1. You might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but so am I. We all are sometimes. The best part is I will always love you and hope the very best for you. You have always been God's greatest gift to me.
    What you experiencing is growth and change. It is normal, perfectly normal. Now go study. Love ya Squeaky!