Since we're on the subject of New Year's...

   ...I'm gonna make another blog list. Because that's apparently the only way I can organize my thoughts. I just make lists. Every post.

   This is one of those cliche New Year's Resolution lists where I list all umpteen of the things I plan on doing, maybe two or three of which will actually be accomplished, hence the keyword cliche. I really much prefer to use the term 'goals' over 'resolutions' though, as resolutions sound like permanent solutions to every life problem I'll ever have and thus completely unattainable.

Here goes.

Disclaimer: The italicized ones are top priority.

Now, then.

1. Stop being such a damn perfectionist.
2. Stop seeking approval from everyone.
3. Stop the negative self-talk.
4. Stop worrying about the future.
5. Continue to be successful with your acting.
6. Allow yourself to be happy.
7. Stop letting fear keep you stagnant.
8. Acquire more muscles.
9. Put your demo reels together and start auditioning for agents.
10. Socialize more.
11. Raise that GPA, slacker!
12. Finish the projects you've already started.

   That's all she wrote. Still too long for my liking, but at least I italicized the most important, so at least those ones can be done... maybe.

Happy New Year, everyone!

"12/12/12 is the last repetitive date we'll see for a long time!"

   I think a reflective blog post is in order because I haven't posted anything that didn't involve goofing off, overexposing my life or shameless self-promotion in months. Ok, so I know that I still have 19 days left in the year before I should be posting this blog, but who's really counting (I'm looking at all my fellow Christmas enthusiasts out there!)? I feel that given the amount of time between now and my last post, there is no better time to write this than now.
   The first and foremost thing I need to point out is how grateful I am for everything that's happened this year. I have no words that can express it, honestly. I came into this year worried about school and life and will leave it with peace of mind and hope. I feel like I have grown so much as a person and as an artist, and it's ridiculous how it's happening because it's all happening so fast and in such a short amount of time that I don't even notice anything until I've looked back at everything. I've met so many fabulous people along the way, taken on so many amazing projects, and learned so many things about myself, my major and my craft. I've had so many things occur that made me realize each time why I do what I do and why I can't do anything else. I've never been so developed from the past, pleased with the present, and so excited and scared for the future than this year.
   I don't really know how to sum up this awesome year, so instead of even attempting I'm just going to make a list of all the highlights.

1. I've built my resume up from a little baby high school/community theater experience resume to getting about 10 professional credits to my name. I've done 5 short films (two featureds, two supportings, and one principal), 3 commercials (FIT Weight Loss, Club Reduce, and Early Voting), and 2 plays (one was a regional tour!).
2. I got my YouTube channel up and running (now if only I posted videos more often).
3. I passed Financial Accounting. And then this semester I passed Managerial Accounting!
4. I won an award in one of my student organizations.
5. I met and worked with so many amazing, talented, interesting people that have changed my life and made me realize why I do what I do! I will forever hold them in my heart.
6. I outgrew my hometown. This sounds bad, but it's actually good because I learned that I'm more of afraid of boredom and stagnation than I am of leaving my comfort zone.
7. I successfully changed my major and got my academics back on track.
8. I got my first apartment... with my own room... and my own bathroom!
9. I said goodbye to an old family member, and welcomed a new one!
10. I took my first vacation in two years!
11. I've gotten to see a lot of my friends start the next chapters of their lives, and now I can't wait for mine.
12. I've learned more about myself as an individual and I'm slowly learning to be more comfortable with it all.
And finally...
13. I've learned that no matter what happens, the show must go on!

Can't wait for 2013. Let's keep the creative projects, the "Aha!" moments, and the inspiration coming!

I added some pictures to describe my year. It's a little bit long...

New Youtube Video

  So, completely by surprise I decided to post a new video. Luckily, it didn't take me six hours to complete this one because everything went very smoothly on the technical end. Needless to say I'm pleased with the end result this time around.

They Can't Take That Away From Me

On Unplugging and Another Reason Why I Can't Have Nice Things

10. I can't have nice things because I'm too preoccupied with Internetland to appreciate them (you can read the other nine reasons here). 


I had to delete my Facebook. Whoopee.

  This isn't the first time it's happened (obviously). My usual reason is that I realize after ten posts in one day for days in a row that I'm spending too much time on the internet instead of focusing on my studies. This is followed by an unsuccessful attempt to just not log on for a few days, which is then followed by a two-week-or-so Facebook deactivation to get myself refocused. Once I begin to stay focused and the work/goof off balance has been restored, I reactivate my Facebook. It's a vicious cycle that happens repeatedly as a means to stay productive. But this time it's over a far bigger crisis than three rigorous exams in the same week (hard to imagine a crisis larger than that, I know).
  I'm not going to get into details of what happened, but I'm am going to say that I sometimes think social media is ruining my life. Sometimes might be an understatement. Slowly and surely, my ability to have a personal relationship with people is deteriorating and being replaced with a 'Like' button, comments from people who barely know me that I really don't know, and random pointless hashtags. It's very unsettling to me. Have I really lost my ability to keep in touch with people while still keeping a productive daily life? It really looks that way.
  What's even worse is that 3/4 of my friends list consist of people I've met once or never see. I think that's mainly because I am connected to close friends and family as well as business connections. As an actor/marketing professional, it's crucial for me to keep all these connections, and what better way than to add them on Facebook? The annoying part is that as much as I want to be myself, I really can't be completely because it costs me job opportunities, and sometimes friendships. Sure, I could make another Facebook for business and keep the other one for close friends and family, but with school and work I really don't need or want the extra hassle just yet (that's what I made this blog for!).
  I have to admit, nothing is more freeing than deleting my Facebook, even if it's only for a short while. It's almost like some mystery has been established between my life and other people's when they don't see me in their news feed or on their friends list anymore. When I'm on one of these hiatuses, the important people always text me and ask where I've gone. I always appreciate that because I know they're thinking of me.
  The whole thing is also dichotomous. It's freeing, but at the same time I've never felt so alone and disconnected from the world as I do right now. It hits me every time and is usually the reason why I cave and reactivate the damn thing after two weeks. I don't why this is, considering all the important people know that I'm okay and that's all that should matter. I need to be back "in touch" with all three-hundred and eighty-something people, almost like I'm using this impersonal virtual thing as a means of knowing I'm not really alone in the world. Most of these people aren't even my friends, either. Less than one-tenth of them are going to be around for the most important events in my life, and vice versa. But I get this sense of security and validation from interacting virtually with these mostly unimportant people. It's a very false sense of security.
  This is where social media is ruining my life. I've forgotten how to make an effort to maintain my friendships and I'm starting to miss out on actual real things and actual real people. And it's pathetic. In no way should something this impersonal be destroying the foundations of my life, my relationships with people, the people who ultimately matter the most. Once it gets to this point, I need to unplug and rethink my priorities in my personal life as I do with my schoolwork. So I will need to cope with this false loneliness for a little bit while I sort out my personal life and learn that I'm not really lonely. That's fine with me.


On the plus side, my Twitter (@Miss_Lexi_Lee) doesn't ruin my life. Because Twitter is silly. But you should follow me anyway.

Dream a Little Dream of Me

   I finally got the guts to post a video of me singing. This is the start of a series to help me get my voice out to the public and start branding myself as a performer. The bad news is that I'm posting it in my blog because I'm too chicken s*** to post the video directly to my Facebook page. I'm a stickler for people just coming to see me perform live rather than posting a crappy video that doesn't do my voice any justice. It's because I'm my own worst critic. I'll cry you a river sometime.
   The quality is really terrible because I have a crappy PC and I have no idea how to manipulate the sound without getting all kinds of feedback. You'll also notice a very irritating whooshing noise coming from my laptop's vent. I guess it's time to take a can of WD-40 to that bad boy. If anyone has tips and tricks to better the sound quality of my videos, please enlighten me. Pretty please. I've spent 2 hours trying to make this video somewhat good. I've been a singer the majority of my life, but I feel like I'm only as good a singer as the quality of my videos. It's depressing me. Seriously.

Why I Can't Have Nice Things

  My behavior the last few days has just proven to me that I can't have nice things. NOTE: This post is only explaining why I can't have nice things, not that I don't have nice things. I have lots of nice things (that I'm surprised are still intact), but that's besides the point. I really hope that you find this as humorous as I do. I'm overdue for a blog post rife with dry, self-deprecating humor that demonstrates the farcical circumstances that make up my every day life.

I like saying smart stuff.

But really, I can't have nice things because...

1. I knocked Santa over with my ear buds. Poor Santa.

Please don't ask me why we have a Santa Claus candy dish year-round.

2. I can't even take care of my 4 year-old EnV2. Notice the broken hinge. The speaker doesn't work because I dropped it off my bunk bed at school. The pound key doesn't work either.

3. I have a potty mouth. Anyone with such an ineloquent vocabulary surely doesn't deserve nice things.
4. My room looks like a storage unit.

Looking at this give me a headache.

Notice the box of shoes. Just notice it.

DISCLAIMER: This isn't the nice pretty Hollywood room at my dad's house. This is a 10 year-long redecorating procrastination nightmare that is currently housing all of my college stuff and tons of miscellaneous crap. And more stuffed animals.

I don't know which is more horrifying, the fact that I still have stuffed animals, or that headboard.

5. My car is also a disaster.

Don't kid yourself. Your car is a mess, too.

6. ...of my bank account. #collegekidproblems #yesihashtaggedablogpost #dontjudge

7. I have one year-old dorm dust remaining on my laptop from Smith Hall. 'Nuff said.

You can barely see it... but it's there!

8. ...of this face.

And that hair.

And finally...

9. Because apparently my picture-taking skills are still in the Myspace phase.

I feel it's all the funnier to leave it sideways.

Short Post About a Nice Guy Who Didn't Get Permanently Stuck in the Friend Zone

  The best thing I ever did was give the nice guy a chance. I took a risk and went out on a date with a confident, intelligent, fun guy who I had known for years (and secretly wanted for a long time).

  I had chewed out and said my goodbyes to the "bad boy" (who I had also wanted for a little while) who strung me along because he wasn't interested in anything more than fooling around after he told me he was still talking to his ex. I had had enough. I already had been given the heave-ho by another guy I was with for two years for another woman, and now this idiot thought he could two-time me (For a second time. Don't even get me started.). I was irate, but at the same time relieved. I was free. Free from my curiosity of what would never have been. I no longer felt the need to get this lost cause out of my system lest it cause me to take a good guy for granted. It was over before it began. So I took the plunge and took the nice guy out of the friend zone and went on a date with him.

  The best friend guy is everything I never knew I wanted in a guy. He loves me unconditionally, but he likes me. He's secure enough to value my independence and doesn't complain that I'm not needy enough (That's a huge peeve of mine. Why would you want a woman who depends on you to make decisions and do everything all the time? That's not laying the pressure on yourself too heavy or anything.). He always encourages me to grow as a person and to constantly challenge myself and improve. He appreciates my flaws and doesn't complain about the ways that I fall short as a human being (and that's saying a lot considering that I screw up a lot). He's honest with me, too. He doesn't lie or keep secrets from me (also another peeve of mine). And yeah he's pretty handsome, too.

  Two and a half years later I've been with the same wonderful guy, and it's been the most fulfilling relationship I've had the privilege to be half of. We've had some challenges, like my moving across the state for college, but we've both grown as people as has our relationship. I can only hope the rest of the female population catches on and finds their other half like I did.