Thursday, May 31, 2012

Things People Do On Facebook That I Do Not Understand

  Alright, so I'm going to try not to write a book about this because everybody and their brother has posted about this at some point. Google "annoying things people do on Facebook" and the results go on for pages and pages. I'm also not trying to get on some sort of high horse either, because let's face it, I'm guilty of doing some of these things too. I just find the patterns of behavior humorous and I feel the need to point out the ones that bug me the most. That said...

1. Feed-bombing
  This one is annoying for obvious reasons. "Going to the store. Text me." 5 minutes later, "Omg this traffic is aaaawwwwful!" Another 5 minutes later, "Hey, I saw a turtle crossing the road! I wonder why it was doing that." Another 5 minutes, "This grocery store sucks! They don't have [insert random item or name brand here]." 2 seconds later, "Ok, I'm coming home now!" 10 minutes later, "Phew! So good to be home and unpacked." 2 minutes later "OMG! Check out this article about cats doing stuff!" And it goes on and on...
  Only someone who is extremely stuck in the lowest realm of boredom would feel the need to post a play-by-play of their mundane daily life all over Facebook for everyone to read. Seriously. Are you lonely? Is this irritating manner of grabbing people's attention your subconscious telling you that you need to get a hobby? 'Cause I really think you spend way to much time on the interwebs. I mean, really. Get some real friends. Until you stop you're hidden from my feed.

2. Overzealous religious/political posts
  I really don't care about your judgmental stance on everybody who doesn't agree with you. I happen to be one of those rose-colored glasses-wearing people who prefers to post positive things about God online. I prefer to post things that lift people up, because lezbehonest, nobody wants to hear that God hates them. I also shy away from political posts because what seems like a little debate often times starts wars between people. We've been through it in real life. People cut off communication with each other over politics. That's way too intense for me to even go near that!

3. Taking pictures of food
  I really just don't get this one. I'm not talking posting a picture once and a while of a really impressive cake you made or cupcakes or whatever. I'm talking about the people who take pictures of every single meal and post them on Facebook. Unless you are a food blogger or chef and it is your profession to do so, you really don't need to share your culinary routine with us. I really don't get it! I'm sorry! I just don't! Are you seeking approval for your taste in food? If so, good for you for eating your vegetables! You go, Glen Coco!

4. Vague status
  I'm guilty of this one. "Things are so hard right now. I just don't know what to do. I'm gonna cry. I hate when these things happen. :(((" That person who posts a vague status because they want people to ask what's wrong. I know because I do that. It's a way of indicating that something is wrong without airing out your laundry. It's really annoying. It's even worse when they post a whole long paragraph about feeling like crap and they just end up talking in circles about feeling like crap. My only word of advice is just that you be prepared to answer people when they ask what's wrong. Don't say "Oh, nothing." Because it's pointless for you to post the status without telling anyone anything.

5. Inaccurate spelling/poor grammar
  Two words: pet peeve. Seriously, I will judge you if you're not using proper grammar, spelling and punctuation. Mind you, I have slip-ups every so often as well. But at least... I don't know... FIX THEM! "Oh, but it's just Facebook!" NO! There is no excuse for you to stop applying all those years of English classes only to slowly dumb yourself down. You never know who is reading your statuses. It could be your boss, and they could decide that you're not as smart as your resume makes you look. And then you might get fired or passed over for someone who is more consistent. I'm not always the sharpest bulb in the crayon box, but even I knew that! Shame on you. Now, go study your spelling and grammar and other smart people stuff!

6. The "Call me/Text me" status
  I'm also guilty of this one. Chances are you, like the feed-bomber, are bored out of your mind and need someone to talk to, yet you don't actually want to take the initiative to pick up your phone and text/call someone. Just pick up the phone and do it! You won't need to ask people to do it for you!

7. The TMI.
  "I have the worst diarrhea today! It's a race out my *** and everybody wins!" Um, ick! I don't think I need to continue on why this bugs me. 'Nuff said!

I just realized that I ended up writing a lot more than I said I would. Whoops.

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