Please refrain from calling me snookie (notice the difference in spelling from "Snooki"). It may have been cute five or six years ago in the Pre-Guido/Guidette days, but now it's just insulting. I am not a short, orange, alcohol-saturated, cussing Oompa Loompa with an obnoxious pompadour. The only thing I have in common to specific aforesaid Oompa Loompa is my extensive sailor vocabulary. That's it. Now, please find a better nickname for me. Please and thank you.
Segue, apparently the rumors have been confirmed. It is true that Snooki is pregnant. Time for jokes.
The fetus was seen in the ultrasound fist pumping.
Snooki's water isn't going to break, her vodka is going to break.
The kid's gonna come out orange and drunk.
Snooki gets pregnant and the Vatican suddenly changes its views on birth control.
Ok, I'm done.
But really, Snooki's pregnant. God help us all...