It's been months since I've actually given myself a chance to sit down and write a piece about anything. Scratch that. It's been a while since I've given myself a chance to sit down and finish a piece about anything. I've started several pieces that I, looking back at them in my draft folder, no longer remember where they were going when I started them. I was working on a really good one about my struggle with anxiety that was so overwhelmingly long-winded that I left it to take a break, got a bit lackadaisical, and haven't revisited it until now. You'd think that with my story being my story, I would be able to remember where I was going with it. Creativity and lackadaisy don't go well together.
That's always been a problem with me. I feel so accomplished having finished something halfway that I never feel the urge to push myself to finish it, and I lose my inspiration. I have so many ideas that never become anything because I can't just sit down and focus on them. Imagine my ingenuity if I did! I've had countless ideas for songs, short stories, videos, webcam karaoke (coming soon... hopefully), you name it! Maybe I just have a problem picking something, brainstorming it and sticking to it until it is finished. Although I do enough of that in school.
Actually, it's just now hitting me why I can't finish things on my own time. I get distracted. Case in point right now: I have multiple tabs on my browser that I keep clicking on periodically to see what's up on Facebook, I have music playing, and I keep taking random dance breaks and pulling up my webcam to make faces at myself. No joke. The sentence before this was preceded to one of said dance breaks. Even this piece isn't getting written because I'm getting distracted. I'm too distracted to write about being distracted. Yep.
But cut me a break here! I've been in rehearsals every night, doing films and commercials, and studying, studying, studying for the last how many weeks? I've had an exam every week for the last month. I even deleted my Facebook so I could be more productive, but reactivated it because I was sick of being an isolated hermit.
I think I'm this way because I don't have to do anything right now. I'm on spring break. The one time I don't have to do anything is the one time I don't have any focus. In all honesty, it's glorious to be distractable and get away with it. I'm not being graded or having to meet deadlines, and I'm not getting anything done for anyone else, either. I'm taking the time this week to do anything I want, which is to just be. It's beautiful.
I feel my disinspiration is justified this week.
But really, I do wish I had the inspiration to write a song right now.