Having One of Those Days...

  I'm having one of those days. The kind where you sit and panic. Just panic because you don't know what to do or where to go or anything. And worry. And yes, even cry a little. One of THOSE days. The kind where your throat feels like it's going to close up and you won't be able to breathe because you're so overwhelmed and overwrought with responsibility that to even let yourself inhale a tiny bit would be irresponsible. The kind where it seems like everyone is ten steps ahead of you and you can't catch up because there is no way to determine which way to go. The kind where it might not matter if you disappeared suddenly because you may never have anything to show for your existence.

  Today is ending very quickly on a sour note. It's all my doing. I kind of feel like a hopeless sad sack of a person. I'm a junior in college and it kind of looks to me like I'm the only one who still has no clue what to do with my life or any inkling of direction. Everyone has this clear-cut path of what they want to do with their careers, and here's pathetic ol' me, who gets this overwhelming feeling of dread when I anticipate somebody even asking me what I'm studying in school. And they do and I'm forced to talk about it because if I don't there will be some sort of repercussion for it. "Well, I'm studying dietetics. But I'm changing my major because I don't like it." "Oh. To what?" It's at this point that I want to punch their lights out for being so nosy. Seriously! Where do they get off prying into my life and insisting I tell them my life story?? Are they writing a freakin' book?! I normally hesitate with telling them I'm an actor because then I'd have to await the condescending "Oh, you'll never do anything with that!" comment that I've heard all too much. It's even worse when I have to break it to people that I really don't know what I want to study in school. Me. A junior in college. Three years of school and still no idea. On top of that I'm broke as f***! It really sucks. How can I stop being broke if I don't know how I'm going to stop being broke?

  And, to get this out of my system publicly while I'm here and it's relevant (HINT HINT), it really doesn't help when some of you ask and then think it's your place to scrutinize me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do! Mind your damn business! Who asked for your input?! Like there isn't enough pressure from my parents and the real world itself to keep up with. I get that you just want to be helpful, but the truth is... you're not! So stop it!

  I'm really trying to stay positive and I keep reminding myself that I'm not the only broke college student who is struggling to find a purpose outside of their creative talents. I try to keep telling myself that someday this will all have been worth it. I keep telling myself that I will eventually amount to something and not feel like such a joke.

This song helps a lot too. This guy is pretty hot ;P

Andy Grammer - Keep Your Head Up